I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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