I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize