Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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