Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
