Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
