we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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