you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
