Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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