Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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