On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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