T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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