so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
