Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Randomize
