i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize