He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
