The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
