brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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