worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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