Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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