1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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