Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
everyone is single if you try hard enough
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
