I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
