Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
