M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
