Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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