we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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