You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
