I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
