guys are only as good as the porn they watch
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
