bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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