And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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