It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
