if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
