I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
