I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
