Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
