haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize