It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
