I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I think pants incapable of making pants work
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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