it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
