He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We need to get me chipped asap
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize