this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
