I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
