you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
