I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
