Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
