im drinking this country out of the recession.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
