I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
