He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
