you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
