Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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