wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
