My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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