There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
