His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
