i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
