i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
