i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Panties = found
Randomize
