Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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