So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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