You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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