allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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