i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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