I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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