I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
