OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
