operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
