If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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