Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
