I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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