I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i dont even know how to be here
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
