This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I touched a dick in church today
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