My Higher Power is John Stamos
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
