This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
