HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
