Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Randomize
