ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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