Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
