If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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