Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
barbara walters just said penis...
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
