I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
be right there i have to get my cape
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize