you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
