I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
