I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
