Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
