i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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