I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
