I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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