I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
