He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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