420 ftw
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize