So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
