Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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