Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
