She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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