drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
