My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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