I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
