We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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