shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
