dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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