and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
