I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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